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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29163540">Am I Your Favorite?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_was_elle/pseuds/all_was_elle'>all_was_elle</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Bisexual Sirius Black, Bottom Sirius Black, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, F/M, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Gay Remus Lupin, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Miscommunication, Redemption, Remus Lupin &amp; Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Requited Love, Requited Unrequited Love, Sirius Black &amp; James Potter Friendship, Slow Burn, Song: cardigan (Taylor Swift), Switching, Top Remus Lupin, Top Sirius Black, wolfstar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:55:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,996</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29163540</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_was_elle/pseuds/all_was_elle</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"The not-quite-real feeling was partly propelled by the fact that he and Sirius hadn’t technically addressed the change between them. One moment, they were best friends of 8 years, Remus the cardigan-wearing brains behind Sirius’ womanizing, often-reckless, prankster exploits. The next, Sirius is pulling Remus into broom closets in the school hallways, slipping a hand under his sweater and making him late for his next class with kisses that feel urgent enough to be running on an expiration date."</p><p>A fic loosely inspired by the love triangle in Cardigan, August, and Betty by Taylor Swift. Featuring Remus Lupin in oversized sweaters, Sirius Black falling in love and being an idiot, and James and Lily mediating for all their clueless, heartbroken friends.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin &amp; Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin/Original Male Character(s), Sirius Black &amp; James Potter, Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. stop looking so happy, it doesn’t suit your face</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Try to stop looking so happy, it doesn’t suit your face.” </p><p>Remus tamped down on the little grin he hadn’t noticed spreading as he turned to the redhead falling into the seat next to his. “Sorry Lily,” he murmured through the smile, hardly audible above the music pulsing through the living room they were taking shelter in. The party was being thrown at some friend of a friend’s house, whose parents either weren’t home or were incredibly laid back about having fifty plus teenagers blasting Megan the Stallion in their suburban neighborhood on a Thursday night. </p><p>“I’m just fucking with you,” Lily laid her head on Remus’ shoulder with a sigh. “I know this has been a long time coming and there was more than one moment when I really thought he wouldn’t get his head out of his ass and realize he was in love with you.” Lily’s head lifted to force eye contact with a blushing Remus, who was trying to duck away. “I’m happy for you and you deserve your happy ending or whatever, but if he hurts you at all I’ll shave his head while he’s sleeping and tattoo ‘wanker’ on his forehead.” Letting out a soft snort, Remus shoved Lily off his shoulder and turned to scan the dimly lit room in front of them, where a few kids he recognized from school were starting to push furniture aside to make a dance floor. </p><p>“I’m not even sure what we are right now. It’s not like we’ve had a chance to talk about it.” Remus said offhandedly while he searched for a messy black bun and leather jacket in the crowd of bodies. “Yeah, in between all the snogging,” Lily fake retched while standing back up and adjusting the corset top she was wearing above slouchy black jeans, prepping herself to dive back into the action. “Where is the mangy mutt anyway? Wherever he is, dumb and dumber are probably trailing behind.” Remus tugged at the sleeves of his sweater, pulling them over fingers, while he stood, “probably in the kitchen trying to mix James’ signature drink, aka every type of soda and whatever brown liquor he can find in the locked liquor cabinet.” The two squeezed their way through the room towards a door that seemed to lead to the makeshift bar.</p><p>Following a step behind Lily, her dark red ponytail swishing in his face as she reached back to grab his hand, Remus felt the stupid smile growing again as he thought about the last time he saw Sirius, in the parking lot at school earlier that day. Standing in front of Sirius’ black and red motorbike, helmet in hand, Sirius leaned across to slip his tongue into Remus’ mouth, giving him a burst of nervous-excited energy as he practically felt the eyes of their classmates on them. “I’ll see you tonight alright?” Sirius said as he pulled away. “Wormy will swing by to pick Prongs and I up and drive us over. Are you sure you don’t want a lift?” Remus shook his head, “no, I promised Lils I’d get ready with her and it just makes more sense, we’re in the opposite direction. I’ll just text you when we get there.” </p><p>Ever since their first kiss the weekend prior, sitting in the front seat of Remus’ hand-me-down ford focus, the only light coming from the glowing red of the stoplight on the empty street, Remus felt like he was living in one of his many “Sirius Fantasies.” The not-quite-real feeling was partly propelled by the fact that he and Sirius hadn’t technically addressed about the change between them. One moment, they were best friends of 8 years, Remus the cardigan-wearing brains behind Sirius’ womanizing, often-reckless, prankster exploits. The next, Sirius is pulling Remus into broom closets in the school hallways, slipping a hand under his sweater and making him late for his next class with kisses that feel urgent enough to be running on an expiration date. </p><p>Now, with his normally messy curls tamed by Lily into something more passably styled and wearing the tightest jeans she could convince him into, Remus was feeling ready to be the puller of attractive, former-aristocrat teenage boys into dark hallways and maybe even weasel out a minor love confession. You know, if it came up. Before Remus could make it through the doorway, he felt a big hand pull him back by the shoulder. Heart already jumping in anticipation, it faltered when the familiar face waiting for him wasn’t the one he was expecting. </p><p>“Oh, Christopher, hi,” Remus haltingly said after a moment of surprised hesitation. The boy in front of him smiled, only a few inches shorter than Remus and looking similarly understated in baggy jeans and a flannel. “Relax Remus, I’m not here to jump you…despite the jumping and grabbing you part…sorry about that,” Christopher cringed slightly before ambling forward. “I was just hoping I might get a dance with you. I’ve heard the rumors about you and Sirius, don’t worry I’m not gonna ask you out again.” Remus shrunk slightly into himself as Chris let out an awkward laugh. The two of them had become closer friends in the past year since Chris joined student council as the class representative a year below Remus’. Remus had been chosen since year 10 alongside Lily, who was ultimately strategizing for her rise to Chairman in year 13 with Remus as her Secretary. It looked decent on his CV and provided crucial insider access and a decent cover for Remus’ role in any mischief planned by the Marauders. </p><p>Remus glanced around, with no sight of Sirius in the vicinity, and let out an inaudible sigh before smiling at Chris and nodding, to ease his uncomfortable yet hopeful smile. “Sure, we can do one dance. Don’t get your hopes up though, I have two left feet and I’ll probably step on you,” Remus warned as they eased their way into the center of the crowd. With colored lights flashing around the dark room, and when did somebody set that up? Remus relaxed into a sway in front of Christopher, moving with the beat as the bodies around them pressed them closer together. </p><p>“I’m happy for you, by the way,” Chris leaned in to speak near Remus’ ear. “You know that not many lads are out at school, so the choices are limited,” Chris trailed off the end of his sentence, nodding his head towards Remus in a silent explanation, “but you two were always sort of endgame, so it’s nice to see you getting the guy in the end, Remus.” With a soft smile, Chris leaned back and turned around to dance with him, keeping some space between their bodies. </p><p>Part of Remus felt slightly embarrassed about how obvious his pining for Sirius over the years must have been. He thought he had kept it under wraps, but it didn’t take much for someone like Chris, who was paying attention, to notice why his feelings were going unreciprocated. He knows he must have looked slightly pathetic, carrying his torch while Sirius slept his way through the majority of the girls in their school, and even a few boys which certainly left a stinging pain below the surface of his skin and a tense smile on his lips when one of said-boys shared the dirty details with his friend next to Remus in tutor group. Ah, to hear a vivid description of Sirius’ perfect cock at 8am on a Monday. </p><p>But it wasn’t like Remus was living as a nun! Or a priest. Whatever. He had a couple hookups of his own under his belt. Granted, nothing going all the way, but he’d shared hand jobs in club bathrooms on the rare occasion the Marauders traveled into the city and crashed with Sirius’s Uncle Alphard. Deep down, past the excitement of an orgasm coming from another’s hand, Remus always sort of hoped to spark a bit of jealousy in Sirius. But most of the time, Sirius was too busy fucking into a tight body to notice Remus quietly slipping away. He was discrete, probably only ever noticed by Prongs, who was surprisingly observant beyond his loud blustering, and he knew his way enough around “Never Have I Ever” to keep the attention off himself and his clandestine mutual wanking. </p><p>But Remus never felt that interest in Christopher. He was nice, a bit overly-excitable and bland-looking, and he appreciated their friendship enough to not ghost him after the awkward attempt to ask Remus out. But for all these years, since they were 11 year-olds swapping candy beneath a table in class, Remus knew that the person whose attention and affection he quietly craved belonged to the sharp, beautiful boy who walked straight up to a bookworm with coltish limbs and a scar across his face, looked him up and down, and said “Hmm..yes, you'll do. Do you know how to pick locks?”</p><p>As Mr. Brightside started to play, Remus and Chris grinned and began bouncing up and down, yelling the lyrics in the other’s face. </p><p>***</p><p>Sirius’ eyes skimmed absently over the sweaty, teenage bodies pushing their way through the kitchen, as he leaned back against the counter. He wasn’t particularly enthused to be at a party thrown by the Rosiers, given the likelihood of running into one of his estranged cousins or even Regulus, but he figured most of the older socialites wouldn’t be caught dead at a sixth form party. With tomorrow being the last day of term before summer holidays, Rosier wouldn’t be the only one throwing a start-of-summer kick off. Next to him, James was deadly focused and attracting a crowd for his bartending abilities.<br/>

“Now the secret to the James Potter signature cocktail, and I don’t tell just anyone this so listen closely, is to swirl the blended cola mixer in a counterclockwise rotation while pouring in about a quarter of a bottle of cognac.” Sweat made the thin fabric of Prongs’ white t-shirt stick to his lean chest and shoulders, as he pushed the hair out of his glasses and dumped top shelf liquor into his disgusting pitcher of brown liquid while the crowd, of mostly girls, watched on in awe. It didn’t take much for James Potter to inspire admiration in his peers, though the logic behind this charisma was often inexplicable. </p><p>Sirius dismissed the various interested glances being thrown in his direction. He was already bored of this crowd and there was really only one person he wanted to see tonight. A person who should be lurking in a corner somewhere, overheating in a grandpa sweater, if Sirius knew him at all. This past week with Remus had Sirius buzzing like he hadn’t in years, probably since he lost his virginity to an older girl with a tongue piercing, riding the high for weeks after. He felt giddy and anxious and couldn’t seem to keep his hands off of Remus’ lanky body and surprisingly kissable lips. </p><p>Their first kiss had been unexpected – Sirius leaning in on a night like any other, the two of them driving aimlessly around their sleepy town after dark – but it also felt like letting out a deep breath after holding it for too long. Whenever Sirius started to think about the implications of that, of what this meant for the longest friendship of his life (because let’s be honest, Prongs was more of a brother than a friend), his chest seized. So he wasn’t thinking about it. He was thinking about Moony’s delicate but strong hands and curls falling into amber eyes. At night, he thought about renting a small flat filled to the ceilings with old books and the smell of motor oil; falling asleep curled into a warm and familiar body and waking up to slow and deep sex. But not feelings. Definitely not thinking about those. </p><p>The second that a flash of red hair appeared in the crowd by the bar, Prongs instantly fumbled the shaker. Dark fizzy liquid splashed across his shirt and glasses, as someone let out a gasp. Slowly, James lowered the shaker to the table and proceeded to strip right out of his stained white tee. Catcalls rang through the air as a somewhat impressively toned chest and stomach were exposed to the air. An unimpressed pair of bright green eyes rolled. </p><p>“Lily!” James shouted, clearly aiming for casual and flying miles above the mark. </p><p>Lily sent one disdainful glance up and down James’ torso, before turning to Sirius, who had slightly perked up with the potential for locating Moony. </p><p>“Sirius. I hear we may be in need of a certain talk involving a shovel and your body buried six feet beneath the garden in my backyard,” Lily leveled him with a strong look.</p><p>Rolling them right back, Sirius asked “Where is Moony? He said he would text when you both got here.”  </p><p>Lily’s hard stare melted into a shit-eating grin, “playing the clingy girlfriend already? Never thought I’d see the day.” In the background, Prongs snorted. “He was right behind me a second ago, he must still be back in the living room.”</p><p>Making his way past Lily and a distracted Peter, who was attempting to chat up a girl clearly trying to move around him towards the snack table, Sirius headed for the room blasting music. He was thinking about asking Remus if he wanted to head out early, once he found him. Maybe they could drive somewhere quiet, lay down in the grass in the early-summer muggy warmth. Sirius was feeling ready to even talk about being exclusive, that wasn’t that big of a deal, right? It’s not like they were pledging their lives to each other. Just, maybe going on a date or two. Getting to make out on a real bed instead of inside a dingy cupboard. </p><p>As his eyes landed on a mop of tawny curls, bouncy and slicked with sweat, Sirius’ heart picked up. Running a hand through his own artfully messy hair and pasting on his best cocky smirk, Sirius began to make his way to the boy he’d been waiting all night to corner. Suddenly though, he stopped short. From the new angle, he saw a pale arm sneak around Remus’ waist and pull him in closer. Looking up, Sirius saw a vaguely familiar face, with a slightly crooked nose and half-lidded eyes. Christian, or something. He was in Lily’s political dynasty of a student government, and he was close to Remus, currently in more ways than one. </p><p>Sirius felt his stomach clench, unfamiliar with seeing Remus pressed so tightly to a body that wasn’t his own. As he watched Remus begin to lean in closer to the other boy’s face, he spun on his heels and walked directly back to the kitchen, headed for the front door. Whatever was going to happen next, he didn’t need to see it. Anger and embarrassment and something that felt hollow and achy in the depths of his gut filled Sirius. It didn’t really matter. He didn’t know what he was thinking, with all that stupid girly bullshit fantasizing about maybe living together after school and kissing a face full of freckles. It was just one week. A bit of snogging, nothing he hadn’t done with dozens of people in the past. </p><p>As he pushed his way through the kitchen, Sirius heard someone that sounded a lot like James calling his name. The feeling of fresh air hitting his face as he opened the front door was a relief from the suddenly claustrophobic air in the house he was leaving behind. Sirius shoved open the garden gates once he made it past the ridiculously large front yard and turned onto the sidewalk. After a minute or so of aggressively quick walking, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket, Sirius began to slow down. Squatting down into a crouch, he took in a deep breath. Held it. As he stood up, a cherry red mini coop pulled up to the curb beside him. The window rolled down, revealing a matching set of red lips and shiny blonde hair. </p><p>“Marlene,” Sirius nodded at the girl throwing him a wicked smirk and bedroom eyes. </p><p>“Sirius.” She leaned closer to the window. “I was thinking about heading to some lame Rosier party, but I have a feeling a better opportunity might have just come up…” Her eyes slowly dragged up and down his body. Surprisingly, Sirius didn’t think he’d ever hit that before. </p><p>With a quick glance back at the big white house behind him, Sirius rounded the car and jumped in.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thanks for reading! already working on the next chapter, stay tuned and hopefully enjoy the Folklore love triangle x marauders era crossover that's been brewing in my head for months</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. when is sirius black ever really off the market</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius groaned at the feeling of bright yellow light burning into his eyelids. Which couldn’t be happening in his own room, not with his very effective blackout curtains which, yes James, are necessary for maintaining his natural sleep cycle. So, evidently he was not at home. Throwing an arm out to the side, Sirius felt his hand hit a warm body and silky hair. Flipping over and opening a single eye, he was confronted with blonde strands getting caught in his mouth. Right, Marlene. </p><p>All things considered, they spent a pretty good night together. Marlene was gorgeous and her reputation proceeded her. Sirius wondered briefly why they had never rolled under the sheets together. Like Remus, Marlene had been one of his close friends since they were tender primary students. Oh, right. Remus. Sirius was struck with the hollow-achy feeling again, which he quickly tried to swallow through. Lying in Marlene’s big, warm bed with the early morning light streaming in, Sirius understood with perfect clarity. This was what he was good at. What people wanted from him. He was fantastic in bed, he knew that, and maybe inexperienced Remus was just looking to get some reliable action from him, knowing it wouldn’t mean anything. Because when does it ever mean anything with Sirius Black. </p><p>Rolling out of bed, Sirius began to search for his phone in the mess of clothes on the floor. Finding it in his jean’s back pocket, low battery because that’s just his luck, Sirius let out a groan at the time. 7:55am. Fantastic, he’d be late for the last day of classes, in his stale party clothes too. At least Marlene would give him a lift. Realizing that James must have worried about Sirius not coming home, he made to check his messages before his battery gave out. 10 unread, but Sirius skipped straight to “5 unread messages from Prongsy. 3 missed calls.”  </p><p>Prongsy:<br/>
“pads come get your JP sig cocktail!! got one ready with ur name on it”<br/>
sent 10:46pm</p><p>Prongsy:<br/>
“I think lily is pretty impressed, tonight might b the night”<br/>
sent 10:47pm</p><p>Prongsy:<br/>
“mate, we lost you! Moony is looking for you!!”<br/>
sent 11:35pm</p><p>Prongsy:<br/>
“pads, pick up ur phone. we’re leaving rosier’s”<br/>
sent 12:05am</p><p>Prongsy:<br/>
“sirius, i really hope you didn’t do what I think you did”<br/>
sent 3:32am</p><p>Skimming through James’ messages, Sirius dismissed his subtle slut-shaming judgement and turned off his phone before it died. From the bed, he could hear the shifting of sheets as a naked body began to stretch awake. Squirming into his jeans, Sirius nudged Marlene’s foot through the covers, “hey, Marls. Wake up. Wake up we’re late.” With a groan, the disheveled head popped up and bleary eyes regarded Sirius with distain. </p><p>“Late for what, it’s a Saturday. Are we getting breakfast?” Marlene mutters, as she stretched her slightly sore limbs. “No, you daft…” Sirius sighed, “it’s Friday. Last day of classes. We’re the tossers who decided to go to a party on a Thursday. Get dressed, let’s go.” Marlene fell back onto the bed with an aggrieved moan as Sirius threw on his t-shirt and leather jacket, crouching down to search for his boots.</p><p>Once the two of them were dressed and quietly sneaking down the stairs to the driveway, Marlene spoke up. “We should do this again sometime,” she waved a hand between them with an air of the unconcerned, though she glanced quickly at Sirius from the corner of her eye. Truthfully, Sirius hadn’t been giving it much thought. But for a moment, it just felt nice to be wanted for another night. “Oh uh, sure, yeah we were pretty good together back there weren’t we.” Marlene looked at him fully then, with his messy flyaways and creased shirt, a shy smile spreading across her face before she schooled her look into something neutral. Grabbing his hand, she dragged him through the front door and towards her car, set to speed their way through the 10 minute drive to campus. </p><p>***</p><p>When Remus felt the weight of an arm begin to wind around his waist, he knew it was time for this “one dance” to wrap up. Leaning down to Christopher’s ear, he just said “Chris.” At that, the hand was removed and Chris held both up by his head, “Sorry, sorry. That was my bad, I just got too into it.” Remus nodded with a polite smile but began to back away with the intention of finding the rest of his friends. “It’s alright Chris, but I think I’m gonna go grab another drink. I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”</p><p>With that, Remus slid through the mass of bodies towards the doorway Lily had escaped through. Nodding briefly at Peter, who was standing alone and slightly dejected next to a table of crisps, Remus caught sight of a half-naked Prongs. Cocking his head for a moment, Remus decided it was better not to ask questions. </p><p>“Mooooony!!!!” James crowed at the tall head bobbing above his audience of mixology pupils. </p><p>Winding around the counter to James’ side, where a tanned arm was thrown over his shoulder, Remus leaned in to ask, “So have you seen Padfoot?”</p><p>***</p><p>Remus didn’t know whether he should be worried. It was 8:10am, he was sitting in tutor group, still with no word from Sirius since the day prior. Checking his phone again, Remus looked at the same screen he’d been staring at since last night. </p><p>Moony:<br/>
“Hey pads, are you going to come find me? ;)”<br/>
sent 10:53pm</p><p>Moony:<br/>
“Sirius? Is everything ok?”<br/>
sent 11:46pm</p><p>Remus felt a flicker of unease rereading his texts for the hundredth time. In hindsight and the clear light of morning, his initial attempt at being flirty and bold made him cringe. He knew that Sirius was probably fine, maybe he was feeling peaky and went home early. Even that excuse sounded flimsy to Remus’ ears. Finding out they were at the Rosier house only made him more nervous, knowing their professional connection to the Blacks and how close Evan was to Regulus. If Sirius had seen any of his old family, Remus just hoped he decided to go home to the Potters instead of engaging. Not that that sounded much like Sirius’ MO. </p><p>As Remus continued to quietly fret, pulling on one of his errant curls, he registered Sirius’ name being said in the background. Tuning his ear in, Remus recognized the voice of Dorcas Meadowes, one of Lily’s friends but with reliably looser lips. Normally, he wouldn’t put much stock into anything Dorcas was saying while using her Morning Gossip Report voice, but on the off-chance she saw Sirius at last night’s party, he leaned a bit closer towards her desk, keeping his eyes on his blank phone. </p><p> “She texted me last night, after he fell asleep. Said it was everything she’d been dreaming of all this time, she’ll tell us the specifics over lunch,” Dorcas loudly whispered to Mary MacDonald, who was nodding along quietly in acknowledgement while doodling in her open notebook.</p><p>“Anyway, I’m not surprised he lived up to the hype, but I thought he was–” Dorcas cut off when she shot a glance in Remus’ direction and caught his gaze. Widening her eyes, she scooted in closer to Mary, but didn’t succeed in quieting her voice as much as she clearly intended. “I didn’t realize he was still on the market…but with Sirius Black, when is he ever not.” </p><p>Dorcas continued to release a stream of chatter to a nodding Mary, who let out occasional sounds of agreement, but Remus was too occupied feeling his armpits break out into a cold sweat to keep listening. His mind had stalled, replaying Dorcas’ words. He knew she must have misunderstood or that maybe this was a past hookup of Sirius’. Dorcas could turn the canteen’s lunch special into lurid gossip if she wanted. But the part of his brain that screamed that Sirius could never feel as deeply for Remus as his feelings ran – that had been deeply settled in the belief that his crush went unrequited for all these years – couldn’t stop playing a movie reel of all the people he had watched Sirius bed.  </p><p>Knowing that he ought to talk to James, find out what Sirius said when he got home last night, Remus took off straight after the bell rung. Moving through the hallways, his head rising a bit above the sea of students, Remus scanned for Prongs and Wormtail leaving their tutor group down the hall. Just as he caught sight of Prongs’ messy bedhead – as though it were a film – the crowds parted, and Remus stopped short. At the end of the hall, Sirius was walking through the doors, strolling in the classic, leisurely Black pace, wearing a familiar outfit. Remus likely wouldn’t have even noticed if it weren’t for the wrinkles, messier-than-usual bun, and the perky blonde body attached to his hand. </p><p>For a moment, it truly felt like Remus couldn’t remember how to move his legs. They were suddenly so heavy and he felt nothing but a swirl of confusion. As Sirius met his eyes, Remus waited for the laugh, the wave, the anything to explain his truly baffling arrival. But cool grey eyes just slid right over him, head lifting in a slight acknowledgement. When the hallways began to clear, Remus kicked into autopilot, turning to walk in the direction of his next class with a brain empty of thoughts. Behind him, he could hear James’ voice, low but urgent, “where the hell were you last night Sirius?? I covered for you with mom, but…” and Remus let it fade into the background as the dull buzzing in his mind grew louder. </p><p>***</p><p>By the time lunch rolled around, Remus had kept his head down through his morning classes and was ready to take shelter in his favorite place. Making his way past rows of bookshelves to the back of the library, he felt an increasing sense of soothing settle over his body and mind. It was quiet back here behind the heavy shelves filled with musty books, muting sounds like being underwater or surrounded by heavy snow. It was also free from pitying looks. It seems that more people than he initially realized had noticed the shift in his and Sirius’ idea of friendly affectionate touching in the past week. They also noticed Marlene McKinnon wearing a glowing smile and fresh love bites on her neck. </p><p>As Remus curled into his favorite armchair, knees rising to his chest and sweater pulled right over them, he let himself feel for the first time since he saw Sirius walk in those doors. Tears prickled the corners of his eyes, which he aggressively wiped away with his frayed cuff. So stupid. Embarrassing. I mean, really, what on earth was he thinking? Obviously Sirius hadn’t meant anything by the kisses they had shared. Sirius had never even said he liked him. Remus had just projected all those years of carefully guarded feelings right onto that sharp smile and soft lips, caught up in a happily ever after. Sirius didn’t ask for that. It was unfair of Remus to be so hurt, when no promises had been made. </p><p>Knowing that didn’t take away the ache in his limbs and the feeling of having deeply embedded vines ripped right out of his body. It was like all the pining, the quiet love and affection that had grown into the fabric of Remus’ being, was being yanked. His internal 11 year-old boy with his first crush mourned. And then he straightened himself up, and pulled out a book. </p><p>After about ten minutes of distraction, the familiar smell of jasmine hit his nose, one that he associated with warmth and comfort, and the tension in his muscles slightly eased. Lily sank down into the chair across from him and, blessedly, said nothing. For a while, her silent presence helped him patch up the tender parts of him, enough to get through the day without tearing up again. </p><p>“I could kill him,” Lily spoke quietly into the silence of their private space. </p><p>With a wan smile, Remus responded softly, “no.” With a begrudging nod, Lily took hold of his hand and they sat together until the bell rang. </p><p>As they stood and exchanged a somber look, Remus murmured “I know you’re angry. I know you want to hurt him. But I’m so embarrassed Lils,” his voice cracking and his eyes turned down. Taking a deep breath, as he felt her hand squeeze painfully tight on his, “it’s not his fault, I misread his intentions. I mean, it’s Sirius we’re talking about. I should have known better, I don’t think he’s ever stuck with one person for more than a week. All I care about now is protecting our friendship and hey, at least now I have an answer,” he finished with a sad smile. “No more pining for me.” </p><p>Lily looked like she was bursting to say more, but held her tongue. Pulling his arm into the crook of her elbow, she led them down the aisles. Giving him a sharp, put-on-your-game-face look, she squeezed him once more before leading them into the bustling hallway.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>did anyone else ever envision james and lily while listening to Betty? it seems like something james would be oblivious enough to do. but Cardigan will always make me think of wolfstar. </p><p>"But I knew you<br/>Dancin' in your Levi's<br/>Drunk under a streetlight, I<br/>I knew you<br/>Hand under my sweatshirt<br/>Baby, kiss it better"</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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